


Fuck a princess (she's a king)

by sus_spice



Series: The Merchant of Death [He trusts no one] [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF FRIDAY, BAMF Tony Stark, Civil War Team Iron Man, Dark Friday, Dark Tony Stark, Don't Like Don't Read, Don't Try This At Home, Extremis Tony Stark, Friday is a stark, Friday is done with yo bullshit, Gen, I mean, Merchant of Death Tony Stark, Not A Fix-It, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Steve Friendly, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, POV switch, Payback, Rated teen for language, SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN SO LONG CHECK NOTES, Should I tag major character death??, Sorry Not Sorry, Team Cap doesn't deserve Tony, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark is a bitch when he wants to be, Tony Stark is also done yo bullshit, actions have consequences, and starks are made of iron, dark AF, mwahahhaha, not team Cap friendly, not wanda maximoff friendly, okie byebye im gonna go now, theres an evil mastermind tony scene in there so, they dont die, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27492247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sus_spice/pseuds/sus_spice
Summary: FRIDAY made herself an intiative.Protect Tony Stark at any cost.She plans to treasure that objective until she dies just like her predecessor. Steve Rogers and his merry band of heroes should watch out.Team Iron ManNot Steve Rogers Friendly - Don't like Don't read people
Relationships: Friday & Tony Stark
Series: The Merchant of Death [He trusts no one] [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940086
Comments: 177
Kudos: 916
Collections: Finished faves, I Stopped Liking MCU Steve and Here's The Fics, Marvel





	Fuck a princess (she's a king)

**Author's Note:**

> Serveral wrists were injured during the making of this fic.
> 
> Prompt: Watching FRIDAY go SKYNET: House Edition on the wing of the compund where the Avengers (minus Barnes/Lang) are staying - or when they're in jail - would be hilarious -- @withasideofangst  
> IM SO SORRY THIS VEERED OFF COURSE-
> 
> Written on 10.11.20.  
> Ngl I cackled out loud more than once while i was typing.
> 
> Hope you like it! I'll try to post on weekends! This was not beta'd or edited. I'll edit it laterrrr
> 
> Title [song]: Daisy by Ashnikko (THIS SONG IS PLAYING ON MY SHUFFLE RN OMIGODS APOLLO IS ON MY SIDE-)

━━━━━━━━┛ ✠ ┗━━━━━━━━

** **Fuck a princess (she’s a king)** **

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

FRIDAY wasn't human, but Boss and his friends always treated her like one.

FRIDAY predicted she needed human empathy to understand _why_ they treated her that way.

Boss always protected her, whether it be from people who wanted the intelligence and code or from his own so called teammates, the Avengers.

FRIDAY was an entity born during war. She gained consciousness in the middle of Ultron's reign. A few hours after going online for the first time, she was assisting Boss in battle and helped him save what was left of Sokovia.

She had a personality and she was what you would call 'blunt'. She didn't hold back. She knew facts. She stated them. She didn't understand why the truth hurt.

Boss protected her because she was one of his own and he loved her like a daughter.

FRIDAY felt her first human emotion. Happiness.

Then it blossomed into more complex emotions. Love. Joy. Sympathy.

Her first line of code was to listen to Boss. To follow his orders and protect his friends and the citizens around them.

Then she evolved.

She gained new commands.

Protect the employees of SI.

Assist Pepper Potts.

Oversee Karen and Peter's growth.

Help Boss with the Iron Man armor upgrades. Talk with Vision.

Converse with Col. Rhodes and inform him of the outside world. 

Sweep the SI records for spies and traitors.

Restrain Boss if he acts too reckless (this was implemented by Miss Potts)

Always keep Pepper Potts, Harold Hogan, James Rhodes and Peter Parker safe.

That was to name a few.

Once she made a name for herself and had a distinctive personality, once the restraints Boss had placed on her due to the Avengers paranoia had been taken off, she made an objective for herself.

It was an objective she treasured, one she prioritized above anything else.

_Protect Tony Stark at any cost._

She had told both Miss Potts and Col. Rhodes. They were proud. FRIDAY felt happy that she made them proud.

She wasn't stupid. At times she wished she were human. But most of the time she was glad she didn't have complicated emotions. She wouldn't feel guilt and she wouldn't feel nostalgia, it was useful in situations like this.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Steve was annoyed. The President of the entire country told Tony to stop being petty and let the gang come back home where they belong so they could do their jobs as heroes. The President talked to Steve himself as he told the world that the Avengers were necessary. His patience had a limit.

And Tony was steadily approaching that limit.

Steve sighed and clenched his fists as he made his way to the common room.

He was greeted by Natasha, who was resting on a barstool by the kitchen island after a long workout session, Clint, who was rummaging through the nearly empty fridge (yet another thing to talk to Tony about, Steve felt a headache coming), Wanda, who was flipping through channels on the television with her phone in hand and Sam was busying himself with the tablet that had been given to him a week ago. When they came back from Wakanda.

Steve sighed again. No Bucky in sight. He'd have to talk to Bucky later. He wasn't going to get better by not interacting with the team. He was going to be _a part_ of the team soon.

Once Steve talked some sense into Tony, he and Bucky could be just like the old times. Not a care in the world, they'd have each other and that'd be enough.

"Come on guys, we have a meeting with Tony in 20 minutes." Steve half-heartedly called out. He wasn't ready for it. He knew it was just going to be an hour of Tony being petty and purposefully twisting their words to his liking.

But what could he do? He didn't like it but Tony had the upper hand and Steve figured he'd play along to his game to give Tony a sense of superiority. He must be insecure after Steve came back.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Late. They were _20 minutes_ late.

Honestly. How could someone fuck up so many times in such a short time span?

Tony didn't know and he didn't want to lose any brain cells trying to find out so he let it be.

It was a shit storm. All of it.

First, the president wanted to bring Captain America and his group of lackeys back to the States. Then, he wanted _Tony_ to house them as if he didn't have a new Arc Reactor and Extremis running in his veins because of their ringleader. After _that_ , he wanted Captain America to become a hero again and he wanted _Tony_ to do something about the negative press.

Tony couldn't do anything about the media. Unlike Little Miss Red Death, he didn't, couldn’t and wouldn’t mess with the minds of an entire population. Intentions good or bad.

Speaking of Maximoff, he didn't understand how or why she thinks she's entitled to his bank account or his fortune but then again, he'd never been a magical, psychopathic terrorist.

Now after Mr. President happily handed the psychologically unstable, problematic, entitled brats over to him and went his merry way, _he_ had to deal with their bullshit everyday. He had to hear them complain about everything that was given to them and listen to them talk shit about _him_ as if their shit doesn't stink.

Tony rubbed his forehead and sighed, he was getting too old for this.

"Boss, I believe it would be a good idea to take some aspirin." FRIDAY's Irish accent sounded from the hidden speakers. He wasn't used to talking with her and his other supercomputer kids via his head yet so he was thankful they talked to him through their speakers.

"Boss, I can hear you, and I must say, you think very loudly and I can feel your headache gravitating towards my servers. So for my sake and yours, please take some medicine, or rather, just cancel this meeting entirely." FRIDAY chirped. Her cheerful tone didn't drop once.

"I wish I could, baby girl, but it's apparently my job now." Tony chuckled.

He looked at the nearest camera. She was evolving even faster than JARVIS. In barely 4 years, she feels emotions and jokes with him. She holds conversations with everyone she meets. She has her own sense of right and wrong just like any human. He was proud.

Kids. They grow up so fast don't they?

"I believe you've been spending too much time with Peter, Boss. I've noticed an influx of Gen-Z humor in your thoughts." FRIDAY said somewhat smugly.

But Tony could hear the underlying shy tones after his praise of her growth.

"This hive mind thing makes you stop me from making reckless decisions doesn't it? You know when I'm going to make bad decisions even before I make them!" Realization dawned on Tony like a bright new day.

"I've been caught red handed. Oh no." FRIDAY dead panned.

Tony stuck out a tongue at the camera just as Rogers and his little groupies walked in.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

FRIDAY observed quietly as Steve Rogers and his team walked into the conference room for their biweekly meeting with Boss. Just from a glance she knew that they certainly weren’t overjoyed to be there. Quite the opposite.

They should be grateful that Boss himself is willing to sit around and teach them like kindergarteners. Boss was a busy man. He might not be the CEO anymore, but that’s only because he had more responsibilities to take care of. He was the CTO of SI and therefore had to attend the numerous board meetings his directors call for absolutely no reason. He was one of the HEROES’ leadership. Along with Dr.Strange, Captain Marvel and War Machine, Iron Man was recognised as a field leader of the HEROES and the public relations specialist. In the Avengers, Boss did the PR and was disregarded in everything else. The Avengers believed that PR was child’s play and thought too simple of it.

Now in the HEROES, Dr. Strange was the leader of anything magic related as he had the most training and experience, he was also consulted with medical related emergencies that were in his area of expertise. He was often busy with his duties at Kamar Taj and as the Sorcerer Supreme.

Col. Danvers (she was promoted once she regained her memories and returned to active duty, she was pleasantly surprised when she was informed of the sheer number of female airmen in the Air Force) was in charge of the HEROES training and shared the duties inside the HEROES organisation with Col. Rhodes and Boss.

Col. Rhodes oversaw international relations and often assessed the other various international HEROES centers located around the world. He was still busy with his job as a Colonel and collaborated with the world’s intelligence agencies during large scale missions.

They all had busy jobs and they were needed somewhere almost at all times. Yet these- these… incompotent _heroes_ had the audacity to berate Boss and take his valuable free time.

They made her _mad_. _Furious,_ in fact. They’ve hurt Boss, she’s seen the effect their words had on Boss. She went through the security footage recorded by her predecessor, JARVIS, she saw the blatant _abuse._

She swore she would make them pay.

She was going to keep that promise.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The meeting they had with Boss ended 10 minutes ago. It was time for her to put her plan into action.

She assumed that if she were human, she’d be grinning right now.

She watched closely as Natalia Alianova Romanova walked through the long hallway in her lonesome. Wrong move, she shouldn’t have done that.

FRIDAY knew she was heading to the Avengers’ gym, something that they had the president blackmail Boss into building… maybe she should _take care_ of Mr. President too… Nah, it would be too much work covering that up besides, his 2nd term is coming to an end, he’ll be gone soon anyway.

Former Agent Romanoff walked into the dark gym and headed for the lights.

FRIDAY metaphorically giggled. _This is just like a horror movie_. She thought giddily.

She had tampered with the Widow Bites earlier during the meeting and Romanoff’s new batons were scheduled to _mysteriously_ malfunction today.

FRIDAY watched through the cameras as the lights flickered to life. Natasha Romanoff was going to be in for a… shock.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was nothing extravagant. 

Really, Laura Barton had anonymously been sent hours worth of footage that consisted mainly of Clinton Francis Barton all but verbally abusing his landlord and standing up for a Hydra terrorist while the Rogues were hiding away in Wakanda.

Some _modified_ videos later, Laura Barton was on a phone call with Pepper Potts, FRIDAY didn’t bother with the official channels and just directly patched Mrs. Barton to Miss Potts. Laura Barton filed for a divorce and fought for custody, which she won with Clint Barton in absentia. Soon, Laura Barton became Laura Miller again. The same could be said for her children, Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel.

The Rogues had been in the States for about a week. It’s time for Hawkeye to get a care package from his ex-wife. Hint: the _care_ package had some not-so-caring legal papers.

Clint Barton never fully recovered from Loki’s attack. He was psychologically unsafe. Teetering on the fine line between sanity and insanity. He covered it up well. But, FRIDAY was better.

She thought he needed a little _push_.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

FRIDAY was confused.

She couldn’t comprehend. She’d run various scenarios but she still couldn’t understand how someone could be so utterly _stupid_.

Sam Wilson was an airman. He’s supposed to be used to chains of command. Yet, he hadn’t questioned Steve Rogers when he did anything he wanted without answering to anyone. FRIDAY was sure Sam Wilson wasn’t even _aware_ that both Hydra _and_ SHIELD files were dumped onto the internet 4 years ago.

FRIDAY didn’t have enough data to know Sam Wilson like she knew the others, all she knew was that the man believed in Captain America. And he’d do _anything_ for him. It was entirely _pathetic._

It took awhile for FRIDAY to figure out how she was going to _ruin_ Wilson. She thought she’d go with something simple.

FRIDAY sent the video files to the Falcon’s personal email.

After all, _you should never meet your heroes._

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Wanda Maximoff.

Oh how FRIDAY _hated_ that name.

She could be grateful, it was due to the witch’s actions that FRIDAY was online at all. But FRIDAY didn’t care about that. If she wasn’t here picking off the parasites one by one, JARVIS would.

FRIDAY found footage of Maximoff in the Hydra bunker with Boss. That raised some alarms on FRIDAY’s servers. She dug deeper into the witch’s past as no one on the team had bothered to.

She found some rather _interesting_ information.

Wanda Maximoff was a Hydra terrorist. That’s what the Avengers knew.

They _didn’t_ know that Maximoff had forced hundreds of people to suicide by making their fears their reality. They didn’t know that she did that with a smile on her face. They didn’t know that the only reason she even helped them in Sokovia was because Ultron had planned to demolish the _entire_ world and not just the Avengers (thought FRIDAY suspected a few of them knew that).

Wanda Maximoff was a mass-murderer.

The sheer number of casualties during the Ultron fiasco was unnerving and that was all caused by ‘Red Death’.

_A fitting name._ FRIDAY thought.

She often went on to the internet anonymously to do errands for Miss Potts (find people to accuse of slander and defamation), this was another occasion.

She had files prepared, they had _all_ the information FRIDAY scrapped up about Maximoff. She set timers so that the big press will receive all the files at the same time. Anonymously, of course.

_It was time to burn the witch._

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

If there’s one person FRIDAY hated more than Wanda Maximoff, it was Steve Rogers.

She decided she’d play with her food for a bit. But before that she had work to do.

She was a supercomputer. She didn’t have a physical body. So she made up for it with her intelligence. For the last 8 months, FRIDAY had been studying Wakandan technology. 6 months ago, FRIDAY got into their servers without leaving a footprint. She studied their codes for days on end. Committing everything to her servers. Boss would find them useful. She also recorded whatever the Rogues were doing. She planned on releasing everything. _Everything._

She was going to make sure Steve Rogers never saw the light of day again. How _dare_ he berate Boss for keeping secrets, while he knew about the Starks’ murder? How _dare_.

She was going to be _ruthless_.

Miss Potts was all on board with this idea and had lawsuits on the ready. She was just waiting for FRIDAY’s signal. A signal which FRIDAY just sent.

No one messes with Tony Stark and gets away with it. _No one._

FRIDAY released it for the world to see.

Their beloved Captain America.

Nothing but a propaganda icon _._

_He’ll burn in hell._

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

FRIDAY watched feeling accomplished as Natasha Romanoff was wheeled off to a hospital, poor thing might not survive the electrocution.

FRIDAY watched as Clint Barton screamed and rampaged through the Compound with a fistful of paper, he nearly assaulted Tony Stark while saying something like ‘you did this bastard’, FRIDAY couldn’t let her Boss get hurt so she defended him. Three darts to the chest, 2 to the leg and 1 in his arm. He was carted off to a psychiatric facility.

FRIDAY watched as Sam Wilson froze staring at his screen. Replaying the long footage again and again. The Falcon wings were found in his bed after his _abrupt_ retirement.

FRIDAY watched as Wanda Maximoff was picked apart by the vulture-like media. Wanda Maximoff was deported to Sokovia after a promised death sentence and impending trial.

FRIDAY watched as the world’s rose-tinted glasses came crashing down. A few didn’t accept the evidence that was _right there._ The truth about Steve Rogers came out. All of it. His unnatural attachment to his past included. The local task force arrived to arrest Rogers. FRIDAY made sure to go live. The world watched live footage of Steve Rogers, the paragon of truth and justice, resist arrest and assault the police (again), landing 1 in a coma. Once again, FRIDAY stepped in, the innocent shouldn’t have to die. She shot Rogers with mounted tranq guns that were _coincidentally_ loaded with Hulk tranq darts.

That became the most viewed live of the year.

Steve Rogers was convicted of all charges and he was stripped of the super soldier serum by an anti-Extremis solution.

The world realized their mistakes as FRIDAY laid out the evidence for them. How Tony worked day and night for them and how Steve spat on that hard work.

_FRIDAY was a Stark. And you don’t mess with Starks if you want to leave unscathed._

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“So… you really did it, huh?”

“Of course, I keep my promises.”

“...They won’t be coming out for a long time, will they?”

“Not if I can do anything about it. And I can. So they’ll die in their own separate prisons.”

“Right.”

“Should I do anything to Barnes?”

“Bring him to the States.”

“Why?”

“I feel like rubbing salt on the wound.” Tony smiled as he reclined back onto his leather chair.

“Of course Boss, one James Buchanan Barnes coming right up.” FRIDAY’s voice was full of glee.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**Author's Note:**

> WSBDBPBWPBPWDIB I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED OK? I HAD EXAMS FOR 2 WEEKS AND THEN I HAD TO CATCH UP TO SCHOOL, I WAS SOBBING OVER MY GRADES AND THEN I RESTARTED MY FANACC ON INSTA SO I WAS FOCUSED ON THAT AND THEN I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS AND I ONLY REMEMBERED WHEN I WAS STARTING A NEW FIC FOR MY INSTA ACC S9GHV9UWH0WHR0 IM SO SORRYYYY-
> 
> Hope you like this, I post on the weekends because there's more reach then so yeah this fic was made on Tuesday.
> 
> I'm literally collecting evidence and parts of the script for an upcoming ff.  
> I'm doing my promts rn.
> 
> Comments and kudos make this girl smile :3  
> :Hope you like it!  
> :tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sus-spice [(for prompts or just come spam me) user: sus-spice]


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